The other day, I looked around and smiled… our living room was full of people (full for 8am on a weekday, that is)… As I listened to the Unimatic perk and the gentle chatter of our midwives talking to Brent and our doula (aka my neighbor, dear friend and Mama to Unimatic #1439), you could almost hear the smiles on their faces. Off to the side of the room, our doula’s little son was playing with Nala, who was happily snorting with amusement. It was a living room full of the beings who will gather as we usher our daughter into the world, as our lives change more significantly than ever before and as I cross the threshold into motherhood… something I’ve dreamed about my whole life. Interestingly, it lead me back to the philosophy I’ve been learning, living and sharing for over a decade... Community. 

Motherhood and the most important thing…

During big life changes, whether challenges or celebrations, the answer is always community. I needed it after losing Dad. I needed it to make celebrating certain milestones feel more real. I needed it on good days and bad days. And I needed it in moments when I didn’t even know it - like this one. Over the years, learning the science behind things like confidence, resilience, stress and positive psychology helped me realize that community is not only responsible for healing from grief, but also for our success, creativity and capacity to thrive. We quite literally can’t be in a state of thriving without community. Learning this solidified that I needed to create opportunities for community - for myself and others - in as many ways as I could: at home, at work, anywhere we humans can be. (Do I make more sense now?) Community is the underlying reason I started BOTH ​Caffé Unimatic​ (opportunities at home) and ​BRAVE​(opportunities at work). Community is one of my core values (Brent’s, too - not shockingly). 

Why does this matter?

That morning, in the midst of so much going on as we inch closer to the big day (any moment now!), I looked at my Oura ring. I was in full “restorative mode”. It was one of the first times that I could both experience and reflect simultaneously that I was, in fact, living what I teach. I have surrounded myself with people (community) who help me come down from stress, feel safe, seen and supported amidst change, challenge or celebration - literally, no matter if I’m laughing, crying or somewhere in the middle. This is BRAVE (the skillset to show up in a way that makes someone feel seen, safe and supported no matter what state they're in) and this feels like the only way to step into motherhood… 

The innate intelligence of maternal figures and why our blends are “feminine”

The other interesting part of the story is that through the years, I’ve found myself learning about community, almost exclusively, from other women. I never had sisters, I was never in a sorority, I actually experienced women turning on me (more than once)… but finally in my mid-late twenties, I learned what it meant to find a group of women that I can (still) call sisters. Through the years, they’ve shown me IRL what the science textbooks teach about what our brains need. It started during a time when we all lived in NYC, many of us within a few blocks of each other. Now, we’re all over the country and world, many with babies of our own, and yet nothing's changed.

Lately, I find myself smiling at a particular group text, it’s called "The Village" and it’s comprised of a new group of women who all live within 100 yards of my front door. They never cease to amaze me with their ability to show up. It’s almost never planned, but when something is going on, they each have this way of floating on by, contributing something and poof, magic is made and things just happen - with no stress or strain, much like Mary Poppins’ snap of a finger.

This isn’t a coincidence. Women actually do this in response to stress. It’s a phenomenon called Tend and Befriend. It was only discovered in the year 2000… nearly 70 years after we initially learned about “fight or flight” as our response to stress. Why so recently? Because female animals were not included in the original study done in 1932. When they re-ran the study ON female animals in the year 2000, tend and befriend - community - topped the charts as the most common response to stress for females. Biologically, it makes sense, fighting or fleeing isn’t really an option with multiple littles. Maybe this is why women, Mommas, maternal figures in our lives play SUCH an important role… because they innately turn toward when things are hard. They see us, support us and make us feel oh-so-safe. They are (a part) of the reason we are able to thrive. (Note: this is NOT to discount Dads, but clearly you already knew I wasn’t, because well… it’s me).

This is the reason (one of many) that our blends are "women." Their unique versions of confidence and their ability to gather community, turn toward each other, to make us feel safe, seen and supported… to be brave, is unmatched. To be witnessed by maternal figures is to unlock your magic… and in the month of May here in the USA, we bow to them (although we should every day of every week or every month).

Celebrating the feminine and community this month

Maybe it’s an occupational hazard, but I tend to anchor in core memories anytime there’s an aspect of the Unimatic present - whether it’s a conversation had while sipping coffee, a milestone where our coffee is present, something happening with the pot in the middle of the table or the sounds and smells of the Unimatic perking on the stove in the background while something significant transpires in the foreground. Maybe it’s the routine, maybe it’s the consistency, maybe it's the activation of all the senses, but because of this little pot, it sometimes feels like I can see life as a movie, from the perspective of the coffee pot and all that happens around her… like she is witnessing our lives, witnessing us into as we step into our own magic in little and big ways every day. 

As we take baby steps closer to Mother’s Day, I hope you’ve all found ways to anchor in some core memories with your Momma, or a maternal figure in your life… maybe with a Unimatic or one of our coffee blends. Maybe with a BRAVE conversation. I also hope that you find ways to use your morning coffee (or afternoon or evening coffee) to create opportunities for community with people in your life that make you feel “restored”… whether that’s a maternal figure or otherwise. My wish for you is to feel confident that you not only have those people in your life, but also that you can feel confident knowing that you can be that person for others. That you can be BRAVE...